Violating someone’s personal space is like wasting time in law school, sometimes you don’t realize that you’re doing it. You probably didn’t mean to do it. You got too comfortable. It all seemed harmless then.
And like wasting time in law school, sometimes you do it knowingly. You know it’s wrong but you do it anyway. You do it because you felt like it and because you thought it would be fun.
Personal space, even though it seems like it, is not a new concept. According to a simple Google search, personal space is “the physical space immediately surrounding someone, into which encroachment can feel threatening or uncomfortable.”
The late anthropologist Edward T. Hall in 1963 coined the term “proxemics” to explain the concept of necessary physical distance. It is the study of human use of space and is one among several sub-sets in the study of non-verbal communication. Hall used four distinct zones to describe the interpersonal distances of a person. These are (1) Intimate space, (2) personal space, (3) social space, and (4) public space. The closer the zone is to the body, the more the discomfort felt on its violation. Michael Grazino, the author of The Spaces Between Us, calls it the “second skin”. “The brain computes a buffer zone around the body” which is flexible and understandably, dependent on the circumstances you’re in.
Assumptions suck
Everyone has a right to personal space, irrespective of their age, gender, social setting or relationship with the other person. It is easy to take personal boundaries casually, especially if you think you have a certain level of comfort with someone. A mutually shared comfort zone is great. Physical comfort with someone usually signifies intimacy in your relationship with them, as long as it is mutual.
Where most people go wrong, is that they assume that the level of comfort they are okay with is the “true” or agreed upon level of comfort for their relationship with others. Assumptions can be tricky. Assumptions don’t let you see the cringe on your friends face or her discomfort when you grab her by the shoulders.
Additionally, assumptions like these have been noted to form remarkably easily in respect of a person belonging to the same gender. This may be because people tend to take the violation of personal space of a person belonging to their gender more lightly than a person from another gender. This is problematic because when it comes to personal space, there is a chance that the person will feel uncomfortable irrespective of the violator’s gender. There is always that chance, please don’t assume.
Define your Bubble
I have friends that care little to nada about their personal space and I have friends that are very protective of their personal space. That is not to say that either of these kinds of individuals is wrong. They have the right to define and protect their own personal bubble, however they wish to do so. This bubble is your personal space and you should never have to apologize for wanting to protect it. You may need more space so your bubble can be large, you may not want too much space so your bubble may be tiny or even virtually non-existent, but my point is that there can be no wrong or right bubble, or even a correct bubble. It’s a circle, jeez! So don’t judge someone based on the size of their bubble, only respect their definition of it by not entering it.
I’ll end with the difference. Unlike wasting time in law school, violating someone’s personal space is always wrong and unnecessary. Sometimes you have to relax in the night mess longer than usual but you most definitely don’t have to press yourself against someone waiting for their fruit juice at the counter.
- Shivani Iyer (Semester IV)
Jury's Out 